Subj: VIRUS ALERT Status: PUBLIC MESSAGE
Source: Department of Homeland Security
Date: November 12th, 2011
Warning: There's a new virus on the loose that's worse than anything encountered todate! Transmitted through power lines, riding on the powerline 60 Hz subcarrier. It works by changing the serial port pinouts, and by reversing the direction one's disks spin. Over 300,000 systems have been hit by here in the United States alone! And that's just in the last 12 minutes.
It attacks DOS, Unix, TOPS-20, Apple-II, VMS, MVS, Multics, Mac, RSX-11, ITS, TRS-80, and VHS systems plus 8-Track systems.
To prevent the spread of the worm:
1) Don't use the powerline.
2) Don't use batteries either, since there are rumours that this virus has invaded most major battery plants, and is infecting the positive poles of the batteries. (You might try hooking up just the negative pole.
3) Don't upload or delete or download files.
4) Don't store files on floppy disks or hard disks.
5) Don't read messages. No, not even this one
6) Don't use serial ports, toasters, modems, or phone lines.
7) Don't use keyboards, screens, electric toothbrushes, or printers.
8) Don't use switches, CPUs, memories, microprocessors, or mainframes.
9) Don't use electric lights, electric or gas heat, or airconditioning, running water, vibrators, writing, fire, clothing, or the wheel.
I'm sure if we are all careful to follow these 9 easy steps, this virus can be eradicated, and the precious electronic fluids of our computers can be kept pure.